Waking Up.

When my alarm went off at 5:45 am this morning, it was still dark out. Every fiber in my being said, "Diana, what are you doing! It's Saturday! You are crazy!"

I hit the snooze alarm and debated back and forth whether I should go. After the blizzard Thursday night and Friday, I wasn't too keen on running outside in potentially icy conditions.

I decided not to go, but a few minutes later I realized I was too awake to go back to sleep, and knew how disappointed I would be if I didn't.

So I got up, had my usual power breakfast of oatmeal with peanut butter and raisins, planted the address of the park into my GPS, and pulled into a parking lot to find a large group of other runners huddled about and stretching.

It was early! I felt as if I was a member of some kind of secret club that most people sleep through. We ran for 75 minutes today- started at 7:15 and ended at 8:30- just looping around the park over and over. I decided to go without the ipod and instead chatted with a few different stranger-teammates, and the time flew... Coach Dave said I did a really good job today. I did notice that I was running at a faster pace than most of the group from the beginning.

My right knee started bothering me a bit, but other than that- I was fine, I was so happy that I didn't really get out of breath at all. After the run was over, a bunch of the group headed to a nearby museum for a nutrition clinic. Even though I'm a nutritionist at Lucille Roberts, I wanted to show my face and do the team thing and try to get to know people more. I'm glad I went because we got to sample a bunch of different sport endurance products that I haven't tried yet, and some of them were really good! (Some of them were so gross. GU? Yuck.)

By the time I left at 11 am I felt like I had already had a very productive day with good people. I was fully intending to go to the gym, but my coaches keep warning me not to overtrain, and I realize how exhausted I am running for over an hour on less than 5 hours of sleep. I really need to get a nap in because I'm going out to the city tonight and will probably be getting back home really late.

I'm really glad I woke up this morning. It was tough, but it was worth it, and I keep getting reminders that this is all for a very good cause, and it feels good to do something that matters, even if it isn't easy.

TShirts & Socials

My life, training-wise. (Of course there is a lot of other stuff going on too... but... you know.)

Yesterday I did the 30 minutes with intervals up to 8.0. Perhaps one day I will be a fast runner.

Also yesterday, I got one of the Team in Training emails announcing the highest fundraisers thus far, and someone on my team was mentioned, but when I checked her fundraising page, I realized I have actually raised more so far (right now I'm at $1725). But! Tonight at the Team in Training social I received the credit where it was due with an announcement of my name and a giant bright green tshirt. I knew I was doing pretty well with the fundraising, but I didn't realize that I was ahead of everyone else for the San Diego Marathon :) It's definitely brought out the competitive side in me, wanting me to raise more and more and more :) Just like when I went to the first information meeting for Team in Training- I won a tshirt then too by listing the most names of people I know. Which was a good feeling, even though I will never be able to wear said tshirt because I could probably fit three or four of me inside it.

Anyway! The social tonight was nice. It was at the Post Office Cafe in Babylon. I'm slowly starting to get to know more people who are also making themselves suffer through training.

Didn't have enough time to fit in all of my 50 minutes of cross training today :( Pretty much went to the social right after work, and was cramming in finishing as many letteres to send out as possible. (I've finished 72 so far... at least 28 more to go.) But! I intend to tack on the extra cross training time to my 30 minute run tomorrow, and I'm also hoping the impending winter storm doesn't conflict with my training tomorrow :-/

Things will be better once spring comes, I hope. All this cold wet stuff will just melt away and I'll finally be able to feel warm again and...

Fade.

I love love love my new running socks. My blisters are finally... slowly... starting to fade away.

Intervals and Insanity

Stuck to the allotted 30 minutes today, but since I was running for a shorter period of time, I pushed myself to run faster, doing intervals of up to 7.5 mph. Not too bad, I suppose.

I feel like I've been working on my letters for a very long time and I'm only halfway through them.

Um, my life is crazy, I must go to sleep now.

Slow & Steady & Swollen

Ouch, ouch, ouch.

My feet hurt. My knee hurts.

Perhaps should have broken in new sneakers more slowly instead of immediately running 9 miles in them.

It's weird because as I was leaving the gym today I was thinking, "Wow, I just ran 9 miles and I feel fine!!!

And now, hours later... swelling. Pain.

I think for now on I'm going to follow the training schedule to a T and never try to skip ahead. I really don't want to force things and then hurt myself and be out of the thing before I even really start. This is yet another test for my almost non-existing patience. Slow and steady wins the race, right? You can't rush these things.

Can't rush anything, though sometimes I really wish I could.

Breaking & Rebuilding

In my training schedule, Saturdays are the Big Days, sandwiched by rest days on Friday and Sundays. This particular Saturday began with me going to a shoe clinic at the Runner's Edge in Farmingdale, where I finally got proper running sneakers for myself. Apparently I was wearing a trail running shoe even though I've mostly been doing the treadmill, and did you know that you're supposed to buy a size larger for running sneakers than your usual size because your feet swell up so much during long runs? Well, I did not.

Armed with the proper footwear and proper socks, I went to the gym, ran six miles, took a break during which I bought a sports drink (I've been reading about the loss of electrolytes and potassium and such during the long runs) and then ran another 3, bringing my grand total for the day to 9 miles. (!!!!) For some reason my headphones chose to die shortly before the end of mile 8, so I had to do the whole last mile without music, which sucked. But it felt good to hit a new goal.

One of the Team in Training coaches emailed me today, and a couple of the things she said really made me think. She was talking about how when you exercise you essentially are breaking your body down, but afterwards the body rebuilds itself and becomes stronger. That just seems like such a beautiful concept to me. I know I need to and want to become a much stronger person than I am now. The coach, who is injured at the moment, is frustrated that she hasn't been able to run, but that being involved with Team in Training she meets so many people who facing serious illnesses and are going through chemo, so it really helps to put things in perspective.

So yeah, in a lot of ways my life really sucks right now. (For example, I spent almost the entire past two days at work stuffing envelopes. MY LIFE IS BEING WASTED!!!) But, I am capable of running a marathon. I am able to contribute to helping find a cure for cancer. (1,500 dollars so far.) I am able to put words on paper in a way that seems to really touch people. (Three years since writing it, and I still receive emails so often from strangers who read and loved my novel Allison Wonderland.) I need to acknowledge these things and stop being so friggin depressed all of the time. Things are not how I want them to be, but hopefully if I keep moving and keep trying to do the right things, everything will work itself out eventually.

I drink a crapload of Yogi tea, and each tea bag has a little fortune cookie-type message attached to its string. One of my messages today was, "Be proud of who you are." It's one of those cheesy things to do but... so many people have this horrible negative self image of themselves, me among them, more than I would like to admit. When I'm completely honest with myself, though, deep down I know I'm a pretty good person and yeah, I have the typical amount of screw ups in my history, but who doesn't?

What I really want- more than anything- is to be happy. Something tells me that in order to be happy, I need to be stronger first. So I will continue breaking myself down and rebuilding myself until I get there.

Training & Toenails

So I've been reading this book about first marathons and one girl said that during her marathon she lost a toenail!!! She also wasn't able to walk properly for 5 days afterwards. Eek!!!

Another writer had a similar problem with her toenails- first they'd turn black, and then they'd fall off. Oh my. No wonder my middle toe on my right foot is black and blue. I seriously hope that purchasing the correct sneakers and socks prevents me from losing any toenails. Gross. I want my toenails there so that I can paint them pink, thank you.

One of my clients has gone from 181 pounds to 173 pounds in just a few weeks! I am very excited for her. I love to see people lose weight. My goal is to get her in the 160's in the next session or two.

Training schedule for tonight called for 30 minutes of running. I did 35 and then 25 minutes on the arc trainer.

And now, it is past my bedtime. Work in the AM. Team run on Saturday morning at 8 AM. Clients Sunday morning. I won't be able to sleep late again for a long, long time.

A Novel & A Marathon.

Wednesdays are cross training days on my training schedule. Today's date called for 40 minutes of it, so I did a plethora of DVD workouts, a nice mix of weight training, cardio, and ab exercises... and, ok, I ended up going longer than 40 minutes. After being such a gym addict, it's hard for me to stick to these shorter sessions and feel like I'm getting enough of a workout. And then if I feel like I haven't worked out enough, I start feeling bad. OK... maybe a deeper issue here... moving on.

I've set another goal for myself on top of this marathon. (HA! As if training for a marathon is not enough!) I'm aiming to finish my second novel manuscript by June 7th (the day after the marathon.) That way I can start querying agents that week after I'm doing with all the marathon hoopla. So, can Diana Caporaso finish a novel and a marathon in a little over four months? I guess we shall see.

I'm just kind of in this dark place in my life right now, and setting these crazy high goals for myself... well, it's somewhat keeping me busy. And when you're busy- concentrating on making it to that next mile, or figuring out how you're going to raise another 1400 dollars, or in the writing zone with fictional characters- well, it leaves very little space in your head for all the things you don't want to be thinking about.

So here goes. A novel and a marathon. How far can I push myself? I'm putting it in writing for the whole world to see, so there's no going back now.

Lost and Found

My training schedule had "30 minutes" written in the little box for February 16th. I ran for 35.

It didn't feel like enough. I understand the concept- shorter runs during the week, saving and building our energy towards long runs on Saturday- but I've gotten used to always wanting to push myself and go farther.

I probably would have, too, if I didn't have to rush to meet a new client at Lucille Roberts. (Who, by the way, seems like one of those genuinely sweet people in the world, I'm really happy to be working with her.)

Tomorrow is a non-run day on the training schedule- it's cross training instead. I know it's good to cross train, but! I want to run!!!

I should probably take it easy now while I still can, I guess. Soon enough I'll be hating life at mile 15 with eleven more miles to go.

I was in such a rush while leaving the gym that I forgot my fancy schmancy 12 dollar water bottle at the treadmill. I was quite sad about it... it's pretty new still. After I met with my client I thought, why not give it a shot? and went back to Planet Fitness to see if it was still there.

One of the guys who works there helped me, and we looked around for a bit, and it all seemed pretty bleak. I double checked in the women's locker room, already resigning myself to the fact that it had been tossed or stolen.

But when I passed the main desk on the way out, there was the Planet Fitness guy holding it, he had found it behind the desk somewhere. And it's silly, but its one of the best feelings in the world when you find something again after you thought you'd lost it forever.

I hope someday I can experience that lost-and-found type happiness for something besides an overpriced pink plastic water bottle.

Repeatedly Breaking Personal Records.

So it did turn out to be a really good running day for me!! After an awesome session with a client at Lucille Roberts, I headed over to Planet Fitness where I ran six miles on the treadmill and then the time limit on the machine kicked in, so I did half an hour of weight work and then ran another two miles for a grand total of eight miles. Eight miles in one day, that's a new record for me!

I guess one of the things about training for a marathon is that in doing so you are repeatedly breaking new personal records for yourself.

My feet are pretty blistered and the middle toe on my right foot is kind of black and blue for some reason, but otherwise, I'm doing fine. I'm hoping the Team in Training shoe clinic on Saturday will help me find a better pair of sneakers and solve this problem.

As much as life can suck in other areas, at least there's this, and I'm going to try to focus on it and make myself better as much as I can...

One Hundred Strangers Turned Teammates

It's Saturday, but I was up at 7:30 this morning to get ready and meet with a client at Lucille Roberts before heading over to the Team in Training kick-off "party" at the Dave and Busters in Farmingdale. It was quite the event and overwhelming at first because it was basically a hundred people I didn't know. However, while waiting in line I learned this cool trick where if you simply turned to the person next to you and said brightly, "So, are you running the San Diego marathon?" they would become completely friendly and start up a conversation with you. So that was good.

I could tell a lot of work and organization was put into this event (and probably even more into the clean up after we left.) They introduced all the mentors, training captains, and coaches, showed a pretty decent video, and sent us off to meet with our coaches.

The training schedule looks awesome. Just a month from today, on March 13th, I'll be doing a ten mile run with my team. By the end of March, we'll be doing a 14 mile run. (That's over half a marathon! So much quicker than I expected!!) But with all the training leading up to it, it does seem feasible.

We went for our first team run together afterwards, just a short one, a little over 2.5 miles. Still, I did struggle a little bit because a) it was cold!!!! b) I've been getting used to running on the treadmill, which, in my opinion is easier than running outside, and c) I have a really bad cold, which was kind of screwing with my breathing, and proper breathing is vital to running.

From the team run I went to the gym where I ran another 2 miles, and then did some cross training on the arc trainer, but... I was so frustrated because physically, my body just wasn't feeling it today. Because of the cold & congestion, I felt like I had all these pins in my throat, and then my knee started bothering me- GAH! I know most people wouldn't consider running 4.5 miles an "off" day for working out, but for me, personally- by this point I'm expecting more out of myself. Being an avid gym addict for so long, I can definitely tell when my body is not working at its full potential. And today, unfortunately, was one of those days.

But what could I do? I did some good stretching, bought some cold medicine and am hoping that I'll have a better run tomorrow. I don't want to let anyone down- not those one hundred strangers who are now my teammates, not all the generous people who have already donated and those I hope will still donate, and especially not myself.

Today & Tomorrow

Today I received what I thought was one of the best compliments I've ever gotten. I was told I look like a runner. After spending the last decade struggling with body image issues, it was nice to hear. Although I'm not totally sure I believe it yet. I'll believe it once I cross that finish line in California.

Tomorrow is the Kick-Off Party for everyone doing the Team in Training spring season, followed by our first training session/run. Looking forward to officially starting, but not looking forward to running outside in 20 degree weather. Hope I'll be able to stay warm as long as I keep moving...

Blenders and Blisters

On Tuesday night I ran six miles. Let's just start with that.

Even just recently, I never could have pictured myself being able to say that. And yet I signed up to run a marathon in June. I remember the question being asked at the Team in Training information session: "Who's ready to change a life?" To be honest, my first instinctual thought was, "My own."

Around New Years my life got put into a blender and whirled around and emerged as this smoothie that I'm still trying to grow accustomed to the taste of. Among other things, I (FINALLY!) moved out of my parents house and started my second job as a weight loss coach at Lucille Roberts. One day I was about to throw out yetanotherbrochure that I had gotten in the mail from a running charity, but I stopped, looked at it, and thought, "Why not?" Why not focus as much of my disheveled energy into doing something good?

I've been sort of a gym addict since college but I've never been much of an endurance runner. It's one of those things that I always wanted to to be able to say: "I'm a runner." I somewhat envied those people who went for five mile loops before breakfast.

Another day recently at the gym, before the six mile mark, I was still lingering around doing two to three miles a night before getting bored and moving to the next machine. But I noticed a girl on a treadmill near mine, and her numbers read over five miles. The competitive side of me came out and I thought, "If she can do it, I can do it," and I kept myself going until I had hit that landmark.

The marathon is raising money for blood cancers, and as far as I know, I've never known anyone with blood cancer personally, but different types of cancers have definitely affected my family: my mother, my brother, my aunt... I'm sure so many people could say the same thing. I've also strangely been noticing blood cancer mentioned in the media a lot lately: In the movie Dear John, which I saw last weekend; in the Survivor special featuring Ethan Zohn; in a book a picked randomly at the library: The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters. These instances have put a face on the battle I'm helping to fight, and keep me running that extra mile.

I worry about about meeting the fundraising goal. I am 47% of the way there, and people have been so generous, and others have pledged to help out, too. I hope I can do this. I need to do this.

Also: I need new sneakers. Blisters= ouch.

Six is good, but I signed up for twenty-six. I still have a long way to go.