Feeling Bad.

I really wanted to run in the rain today. I know that sounds crazy, but I really, really did.

Unfortunately, my injury had other ideas.

A week ago, at my niece and nephew's birthday party, I sipped coffee from a Wow Wow Wubbzy cup and asked my older brother Anthony to look at my knee. It's been bothering me, and he's a doctor.

He poked and prodded it, compared it to the other one, checked for fluids or something (gross) and for a moment, he looked concerned, but then he had me sit down, and he examined again, and declared I should be fine. He recommended a knee brace and ice, just like everyone else.

Why did I wait so long?

I did my weekly runs, including a really nice 3.25 miles outside during my lunch break on Thursday. It was bothering me a bit then, too, but I just pushed through it.

I'm not sure if I pulled a muscle or something, but when I woke up on Friday, my right knee felt off and the muscles around it hurt a LOT. My hamstring, too. And quads. And everything. Why did I get the worst blisters on my right foot, too? My entire left leg remains fine.

It hurt so much at work I even had to take the elevator instead of the stairs, something I hate doing because I am a very impatient person and it makes me feel lazy. I took painkillers, and during my lunch break I spent over 30 dollars on a knee brace and ice compress. I took it easy all day, really hoping that I'd still be able to do my run with the team this morning.

When I woke up this morning, I knew right away the my leg and knee could not handle a ten mile run. I hate thinking that others might assume that I wussed out because of the rain. If rain were the only factor, I'd be there in a heartbeat. But... I don't want to hurt myself anymore than I already have.

Luckily this morning after the run is an injury clinic (perfectly timed?) So I'll be going to that and hopefully getting the doctor who is running it to take a quick look at my knee and see if he recommends anything.

I feel really, really bad that I didn't do my ten miler today. I feel so far behind. I can only hope that I can do it tomorrow... but it'll be so much harder alone.

Equality

Waking up at 6:30 on a Saturday after less than five hours of sleep= ouch.
Doing so to run an hour and a half in the cold= ouch.
Doing so while my right knee was bothering me much for a good portion of the run=ouch.
Running uphill= ouch ouch.

Running downhill= FREAKIN FANTASTIC.

waiting for the light

I was stopped at the corner of Elwood and Jericho, waiting for the light to turn green. My face was wet.

I told myself, "I'm okay. I'm okay."

I tried again. "I will be okay."

The light changed, I had to go. I had to wake up in less than six hours to meet my marathon training team for an hour and a half long run in Sunken Meadow Park. I heard that there will be hills and team photos. I've never run that long without stopping before. I'm not too good with hills, either. But I'm still going to do it. Tomorrow I will do something that I have never done before. I've heard that once you get through the hills, just running a straight path is easy.

Before I get home, I told myself, silently this time, my face will be dry.

I was right.

Falls and Crosses

As I was walking into my office building today I saw a woman and small girl walking hand in hand. I assume they were mother and daughter, but who can really know these things?

The girl was wearing a puffy pink jacket and a knit hat with tassels on it. Out of nowhere, she fell.

Immediately, of course, she started wailing. The woman helped her up and inspected her hands. "Stop screaming!" she instructed. "You have nothing, you have nothing!"

I guess this woman doesn't know that not all pain is physical and visual. That the fact that the world can just lead you to fall without any reason or fault of your own can hurt just as much, if not more, than scrapes or blood.

Still, wailing about it is never attractive. Especially when you're not a little girl anymore. I must remember this.

I wonder if that little girl even remembers her fall right now, or if she's content and happy in pre-K making macaroni necklaces, her trauma completely forgotten, her hair full of static from her pink hat and her not even caring. And here I am... here I am.

I got in my cross training yesterday and then some. This marathon is perhaps the best thing I have going for me right now.

JM, Trouble, and Karma

Not much new to report, except that I did get my training runs in the past two days, and I bought the new Jillian Michaels DVD for my cross training tomorrow.

I kind of got in trouble at work for sending out fund raising letters to everyone's home addresses (the person who gave me the master office list shouldn't have, apparently, and my boss was upset that I refused to rat out who gave it to me.). But! I came home today to find a donation check in the mail, and that was exciting! I really hope they continue to come. I'm getting there.

While I was at Borders tonight buying the DVD, the chick behind the counter asked me if I wanted to donate a book or a teddy bear to a children's hospital. I remembered how many people are supporting me by making donations to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, so I quickly agreed to donate a book. (I'm big on getting kids to read, too. It's the writer in me.) So I guess that was me passing along some good karma, there.

Also, is it just me, or was tonight's episode of lost the best yet this season?