The Marathon.

The alarm went off at 3:15 am. It was still pitch dark outside. I got out of bed, put on my racing gear that I had set up only hours before, ate something. Went downstairs to catch the shuttle to the start line.

The entire world felt surreal. It was the middle of the night and I was surrounded by palm trees and people in matching purple singlets. The shuttle dropped us off somewhere and we had to walk the rest of the way. Almost everyone needed to use the bathroom. Coach Anne led us in a meditation, trying to calm our nerves. The lines to the bathroom were ridiculous. Kathleen and I had to rush to drop off our gear bags and then to our starting corrals. I was in corral 20, somewhere in the middle of 30,000 runners. The race officially started at 6:15 am, but it was 6:31 by the time I got to the start line.

And then I ran a marathon.

At first there were a lot of interesting things to look at. Spanish style houses, cool architecture, mountains and palm trees. One guy was running in a diaper with an inflatable monkey on his back. I was keeping up my 10 minute pace pretty well. At mile 5 we passed Petco Park. At every water station I had cytomax and water. Around mile 9 my leg muscles started feeling really tight. The backs of my legs were burning and my knee brace was chafing me. I stopped briefly to stretch, then kept going. I passed the half marathon mark at almost exactly the same time I got there the last time- which was a little disappointing, I was hoping to get there faster this time. But I had stopped to stretch.

At mile 14 I saw Tara, one of the TNT coordinators, and she cheered me on and took a picture of me. At mile 15ish I saw Coach Anne, who ran with me for a few minutes and asked how I was doing. She advised me to take a salt packet if I could get one and wished me luck.

I was taking shot blocks or GUs every 45 minutes or so. I stopped for another quick stretch after seeing Coach Anne, and then at mile 18 I actually got off the course to do a really good stretch. I did every leg stretch I could possibly think of. That ate about 10 minutes of my time. And then I got back up to do the last 8.2 miles.

By that time my pace was starting to slow down, but I was absolutely determined to run the entire thing. I just kept pushing myself to keep moving, telling myself it was almost over. Then I passed mile 20, and I was running further than I ever had before.

The miles seemed to be getting farther and farther apart Miles 21 to 24 were so painful and unpleasant. At that point we were running past a bay and the scenery was growing monotonous. But I kept moving. I was running so slowly that there was a girl who was power walking that was pretty much keepign up with me, but I was determined to run, no matter how slowly.

A really nice coach who I didn't know ran with me for a little while, reminding me that I was doing an amazing wonderful thing, and that the pain that I was feeling now was helping those suffering from cancer, and I was a superhero for doing what I was doing, and I was strong and I could do it and a lot of other good stuff. I was trying not to cry.

At mile 25, though, after that angel coach had fallen back, I really did start crying a bit. I couldn't believe that I was about to finish running a full marathon. I thought about the event in my life that had been the catalyst for this crazy endeavor, and everything I had been through the past five months with the training- the five am runs, the injuries, the progress and frustration and new friends and the exhaustion and the hope. I thought about how I had raised over 3600 dollars for charity, and for the generosity of everyone I knew who had donated both for a good cause and so that I could experience this feeling crossing a finish line after running 26.2 miles. I thought about how strong I had trained by body to be when everything else in my life had felt so helpless. And there were more spectators around now, cheering my name and telling me I was almost there.

I saw Coach Anne again and she ran with me for a bit, telling me what to do and where to go after the finish. I could barely even talk at that point so she left me to finish on my own.

And I crossed that finish line at five hours and sixteen minutes. I was a little bit disappointed because I had really wanted to do it in less than five hours, but at the same time, I was so overwhelmed and happy that I had been able to run a full marathon. I was now part of less than one percent of the population that had ever done it. My ankle hadn't popped the whole way and my knee had held up and my body was able to run for over five hours without giving up or passing out or getting injured.

I received my finishers medal and posed for a picture and then just kind of wandered around for awhile, trying to find the TNT tent. I passed a free food station and picked up a banana and bag of trail mix. My entire body just felt so totally drained of energy. I found the gear check vans and it took me what felt like 20 minutes to take off my sneakers and get my flip flops on. It was impossible to squat, my legs hurt so much.

I found my teammates, or really, they found me, and I got back to the hotel to rest up and enjoy the rest of the weekend. And that was the marathon. It's Thursday now and my legs are still hurting, but they are feeling a lot better.

I think what this whole experience has taught me is that I just have to keep moving, no matter how slowly I'm going, no matter how much the rest of me is hurting. There is a bigger picture and I will get to that finish line eventually even if it's not exactly within my goal time. I'll get there if I just keep moving, and we all get the same medal at the end, after all.

I can't wait to do another one.

crossing.

So this is it. In eight and a half hours, instead of leaving for a morning run, I'll be leaving for the airport to go to San Diego to run a full marathon.

It hasn't really sunk in yet.

It's... crazy. I still have so much packing to do. I'm so exhausted and excited at the same time.

When I signed up for this thing back in January, I was really hoping it would help me find happiness again- or at least contentment. Now it's the eve of the trip and I'm not sure yet how much it has helped... but it's been... something. And this weekend is bound to be amazing, so maybe I'll hold off my consensus until Monday.

On Saturday we had our last coached practice before the marathon. It was only eight miles because we're tapering, but I could feel how much progress I've made- running eight miles like it was nothing- even sprinting for chunks of it. Yet, there is a huge difference between 8 and 26.2. I don't feel completely ready and confident for Sunday, but I do know I will give it EVERYTHING I have. Without a doubt.

I look forward to crossing that finish line.