Last night, I dreamt I was running.
It was the easiest, most effortless run I had ever done in my life. My body felt light, I wasn't wearing a knee brace, my ankle wasn't popping, nothing hurt. Nothing felt heavy. I wasn't carrying my iPhone or adjusting my earphones because I didn't have to distract myself with music or an audiobook. I didn't have to push myself to keep going, and I wasn't constantly thinking about how much further I had to go before I was finished.
I was just flying. And let me tell you, it was beautiful.
I think I'm starting to understand this running thing.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
one of those days.
I know that it's just one of those days. I know that I'll be ok. In two weeks I'll be in California running a freakin marathon. But today I'm not ok and I can't stop crying. I want to work out and at the same time all I want to do is sleep. I feel this twinge in my knee and in my heart and neither should be hurting this much this far along.
Yesterday I watched the movie The Prestige and there was a scene where a magician made a bird disappear by crushing him into nothing, basically. I kind of feel like that today.
It will be ok. Things cannot be like this forever.
How about that Lost finale, huh? So many things are ending.
Yesterday I watched the movie The Prestige and there was a scene where a magician made a bird disappear by crushing him into nothing, basically. I kind of feel like that today.
It will be ok. Things cannot be like this forever.
How about that Lost finale, huh? So many things are ending.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Four Letter Word
Around mile four of my thirteen miler yesterday, I suddenly heard and felt a loud crack in the area of my right ankle, and subsequently, my ankle began popping again.
One word. Four letters. Starts with F.
I finished the thirteen miles, but it was not pleasant.
I pray it's ok again in time for the marathon. Two weeks from today.
One word. Four letters. Starts with F.
I finished the thirteen miles, but it was not pleasant.
I pray it's ok again in time for the marathon. Two weeks from today.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
The Dreaded 20 Miler.
In some ways, it went much better than I expected.
When I arrived at the team practice that morning, Lauri & Magdaly told me that there were cupcakes. "I don't think I could eat a cupcake right now," I said, making a face. The thought of that much sugar when I was already so nervous about the impending run and pain was too much.
They urged me to look at them, and so I did. Each cupcake had a letter on top, and they all spelled out: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANA 26". One of the training captains, Robin, had made them for me. It was so sweetly unexpected and really put me in a good mood to start the run. To think that someone at this very moment could be doing something really nice for you and you have absolutely no idea or expectation of it- I think those are the best surprises.
I felt strong during the run- like I could keep running forever. Don't get me wrong- by mile 12, I WANTED to stop. But that was mental. My body was capable of continuing, and I was feeling stubborn about finishing the twenty. I knew I had to- the marathon was only 3 weeks away. At least I felt much stronger than I had when I had done the 18 miler. I didn't stop for any walk breaks this time.
Also around mile 12, I started feeling a lot of pain around where I tie my laces on my right foot. I knew I needed pain killers to make it through the rest of the run, which was frustrating. Luckily I found someone at mile 13 that had extra strength tylenol, and I loosened my laces a bit, and I just kept going- telling myself that I only had a little over an hour left of torture.
Around mile 17 I started feeling the pain all the way up past my legs and hips into my torso.
But I just kept going and going and going like the freaking energizer bunny.
I finished the 20 in a little less than 4 hours. I know I don't have the fastest pace ever, and that includes a bathroom break and pausing briefly at a few water stops to stretch and chug gatorade, but I am so psyched that I was able to run the entire thing. And that I was done with our longest training run- it starts to get easier from here until the marathon so that our bodies are fully recovered to run the whole thing.
The pain after was bad but not as bad as I thought it might be. Not any worse than any of the other long runs. I was even able to go out for a bit that night (even though the exhaustion hit me at like 11 pm and I had to go home.)
But! I haven't been able to run since then, still- and it's Wednesday now. I woke up at 5:15 yesterday with every intention of running, but my legs still hurt too much, so I did some cross training instead. I'm going to try to run during my lunch break today... it's so frustrating that my legs still feel so off.
It's probably not a secret- but I'm a bit of an exercise addict. I get stressed and exercise is my mode of stress relief. It's productive, it makes me feel better about myself, it releases endorphins. When I don't work out, I feel horrible. And I have the type of body chemistry that when I miss a workout I definitely see it on the scale the next day. I need to keep burning calories as much as possible because some days it's one of the few things that keeps me sane.
Well, anyway. That was the twenty miler. It's very possible that I may only run that distance only once more in my entire life- the day of the full marathon, June 6th. It's coming so soon. Isn't it strange how my escape from my real life also hurts me and makes me stronger at the same time?
When I arrived at the team practice that morning, Lauri & Magdaly told me that there were cupcakes. "I don't think I could eat a cupcake right now," I said, making a face. The thought of that much sugar when I was already so nervous about the impending run and pain was too much.
They urged me to look at them, and so I did. Each cupcake had a letter on top, and they all spelled out: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANA 26". One of the training captains, Robin, had made them for me. It was so sweetly unexpected and really put me in a good mood to start the run. To think that someone at this very moment could be doing something really nice for you and you have absolutely no idea or expectation of it- I think those are the best surprises.
I felt strong during the run- like I could keep running forever. Don't get me wrong- by mile 12, I WANTED to stop. But that was mental. My body was capable of continuing, and I was feeling stubborn about finishing the twenty. I knew I had to- the marathon was only 3 weeks away. At least I felt much stronger than I had when I had done the 18 miler. I didn't stop for any walk breaks this time.
Also around mile 12, I started feeling a lot of pain around where I tie my laces on my right foot. I knew I needed pain killers to make it through the rest of the run, which was frustrating. Luckily I found someone at mile 13 that had extra strength tylenol, and I loosened my laces a bit, and I just kept going- telling myself that I only had a little over an hour left of torture.
Around mile 17 I started feeling the pain all the way up past my legs and hips into my torso.
But I just kept going and going and going like the freaking energizer bunny.
I finished the 20 in a little less than 4 hours. I know I don't have the fastest pace ever, and that includes a bathroom break and pausing briefly at a few water stops to stretch and chug gatorade, but I am so psyched that I was able to run the entire thing. And that I was done with our longest training run- it starts to get easier from here until the marathon so that our bodies are fully recovered to run the whole thing.
The pain after was bad but not as bad as I thought it might be. Not any worse than any of the other long runs. I was even able to go out for a bit that night (even though the exhaustion hit me at like 11 pm and I had to go home.)
But! I haven't been able to run since then, still- and it's Wednesday now. I woke up at 5:15 yesterday with every intention of running, but my legs still hurt too much, so I did some cross training instead. I'm going to try to run during my lunch break today... it's so frustrating that my legs still feel so off.
It's probably not a secret- but I'm a bit of an exercise addict. I get stressed and exercise is my mode of stress relief. It's productive, it makes me feel better about myself, it releases endorphins. When I don't work out, I feel horrible. And I have the type of body chemistry that when I miss a workout I definitely see it on the scale the next day. I need to keep burning calories as much as possible because some days it's one of the few things that keeps me sane.
Well, anyway. That was the twenty miler. It's very possible that I may only run that distance only once more in my entire life- the day of the full marathon, June 6th. It's coming so soon. Isn't it strange how my escape from my real life also hurts me and makes me stronger at the same time?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
six miles at sunrise
So I guess now I can say that I know what it's like to run six miles at sunrise.
What a week. I've been up at 5:15 am every day to do my training because it's the only time all day I can fit it in. Monday and Tuesday were five miles each, Wednesday was cross training, and this morning I ran six miles. Let me tell you what happens when my cell phone alarm goes off at 5:15 am.
I shut it off.
Then, four minutes later, my actual alarm clock goes off across my room. And I am FORCED to jump out of bed and shut it off before it wakes up my roommates.
Then I force myself to eat a banana and drink some water that I have stashed by my bed for the sole purpose of waking me up. I swallow my supplements and the sugar in the banana hits me and I am somewhat more awake.
I have gone to sleep in a clean sports bra and running clothes, so all I have to do is put on my knee brace, sneakers, grab my ipod and head out the door.
I turn on my iPhone running app and the sun is still low in the sky. The app uses a GPS to track my mileage and also has a handy map of my route because otherwise I'd get hopelessly lost. I try to take different roads every day. While I'm running, I listen to books on tape and kind of zone out. It took me an hour to complete my run this morning. And afterwards, I felt pretty strong.
So even though I hate waking up that early, I do feel pretty glad that I did once I finish my run. It ALMOST makes up for the fact that I was in some pain today at work. Tomorrow's a rest day though, so I can actually sleep in until 6:30 am and hopefully my muscles will be recovered for the Dreaded Twenty Miler on Saturday morning. I am scared, but I'm trying not to think about it. At least after the Dreaded Twenty Miler our training runs start tapering down again until the marathon so that our bodies are more recovered for the full marathon.
It's weird how in my first blog entry I stated that I ran six miles like it was this huge unbelievable incredible feat, and now it's just like any other day. There's something about progression that makes me hopeful about life.
What a week. I've been up at 5:15 am every day to do my training because it's the only time all day I can fit it in. Monday and Tuesday were five miles each, Wednesday was cross training, and this morning I ran six miles. Let me tell you what happens when my cell phone alarm goes off at 5:15 am.
I shut it off.
Then, four minutes later, my actual alarm clock goes off across my room. And I am FORCED to jump out of bed and shut it off before it wakes up my roommates.
Then I force myself to eat a banana and drink some water that I have stashed by my bed for the sole purpose of waking me up. I swallow my supplements and the sugar in the banana hits me and I am somewhat more awake.
I have gone to sleep in a clean sports bra and running clothes, so all I have to do is put on my knee brace, sneakers, grab my ipod and head out the door.
I turn on my iPhone running app and the sun is still low in the sky. The app uses a GPS to track my mileage and also has a handy map of my route because otherwise I'd get hopelessly lost. I try to take different roads every day. While I'm running, I listen to books on tape and kind of zone out. It took me an hour to complete my run this morning. And afterwards, I felt pretty strong.
So even though I hate waking up that early, I do feel pretty glad that I did once I finish my run. It ALMOST makes up for the fact that I was in some pain today at work. Tomorrow's a rest day though, so I can actually sleep in until 6:30 am and hopefully my muscles will be recovered for the Dreaded Twenty Miler on Saturday morning. I am scared, but I'm trying not to think about it. At least after the Dreaded Twenty Miler our training runs start tapering down again until the marathon so that our bodies are more recovered for the full marathon.
It's weird how in my first blog entry I stated that I ran six miles like it was this huge unbelievable incredible feat, and now it's just like any other day. There's something about progression that makes me hopeful about life.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Half.
I had thought I wouldn't be nervous for the half marathon. After all, it was only thirteen miles. Ha.
Maybe I was just excited. Maybe I was nervous about how my leg had felt especially off all week. Maybe it was because I was crashing at my parents' house for the night so that my mom could drop me off in the morning and I wouldn't have to worry about parking. Either way, I didn't get much sleep on Saturday night, the night before the Long Island Half Marathon.
I had all my stuff ready- had done a short 2 mile test run on Saturday afternoon with all my race gear. This included my team in training singlet and the belt pocket I had purchased at the race expo on Friday night. Stored in said belt pocket were three shot blocks and two GUs, which are nutritional supplements that runners take during long runs. I had my shoe tag on my sneakers, my number pinned to my shirt, body glide set out to put on my feet to prevent blisters. Sunscreen and a bag with a change of clothes for after the race. So everything was ready, but I still couldn't sleep.
I had set my alarm for 5:15 am, but at 5:07 I woke up and almost instantly was out of bed. I had my pre-long run meal of oatmeal with peanut butter and raisins, light on any fluids because I had already hydrated heavily the day before and didn't want to have to stop to use the bathroom during the race.
My mom dropped me off in Eisenhower Park at about 6:45 am, and I found the Team in Training booth- a big mass of purple singlets. The coaches gave a pep talk and then the whole group of us started walking down to the start line.
We hung around there for awhile, waiting for the race to begin. It did at 8 AM, but there were so many people (thousands!!) that it took a full 3 minutes for us to pass the start line.
My ankle started popping right away, and my knee felt off, which was really annoying. Still, I was determined. I was running a different pace than anyone else in my group, so I was running alone early on. I tried to listen to the iPod on my iPhone, but I'm not used to working it yet, and it kept shuffling. So then I tried listening to Last.fm & Pandora and that was slowing me down and luckily I finally got the iPod to work. (Looking back, that probably slowed me down and caused me valuble seconds or even minutes to my finish time!!)
Even though it was so early, it was already hot out, and for the first few miles of the race I was running behind this guy in full army gear and I wasn't sure how he wasn't passing out. I passed him, though, and basically I just kept running, pacing my miles. There were large clocks at each mile as well as water stations. I would grab a cup from a volunteer, chug it, fling it to the side of the road. You had to be careful of all the empty cups in the road. Repeat 13 times. Ha. It was a semi-interesting route because it was mostly roads I drive down often, like Old Country Rd and Jericho Turnpike and Post Ave and even a bit of Wantagh Parkway. I had never run on a parkway before. While I was on there, around mile 9, we all had to move to the side of the road to make room for an ambulance rushing to some lady who had passed out.
I just kept going and going and it was hotter than expected but my leg was bothering me more than the heat. At mile 12 I started to get really excited about seeing my family and Justin at the finish line. Then, and at a couple other points during the race, I almost felt like I was going to cry, because I just couldn't believe I was doing this, and doing it pretty well!
Near the finish line I saw Mom, Dad, Andrew, etc- it all happened really fast- and then I picked up my pace and finished strong at 2:23:25. That was the first time I ran that long without stopping to stretch. I heard them announce my name over a speaker- saying DIANE Caporaso- and I wanted to kill them. Haha. I was handed my half marathon medal and a reusable lunch bag of free food. I hadn't seen Justin before the finish line, but he was the first one I found after crossing. I ran up to him and hugged him, even though I was all sweaty and gross. We found the rest of my family members who had been able to come see me for the finish- and it felt so awesome because they all seemed so proud of me, as well as a bit in awe that I was capable of running for that long. It was such an intense, amazing experience. And it's a bit weird to think that it's an experience I might not have had if my life hadn't been thrown into that blender after New Year's.
Afterwards we all went out to brunch and I changed out of my sweaty running clothes into a nice purple dress but I kept my medal on. In the bathroom of the diner I randomly ran into my favorite teacher from high school, and she had just run the half marathon too. Life can be so incredibly random sometimes.
And I also can't help but feel really scared for the full marathon, which is only a month away now. When did that happen??? Am I ready? I don't know if I can last 26 miles with a popping ankle. I saw the podiatrist last week and tomorrow I'm seeing an orthopedist. I really hope I can get the leg situation sorted out soon.
Also, I just turned 26 two days ago. Seems like a fitting year to be running a marathon.
Maybe I was just excited. Maybe I was nervous about how my leg had felt especially off all week. Maybe it was because I was crashing at my parents' house for the night so that my mom could drop me off in the morning and I wouldn't have to worry about parking. Either way, I didn't get much sleep on Saturday night, the night before the Long Island Half Marathon.
I had all my stuff ready- had done a short 2 mile test run on Saturday afternoon with all my race gear. This included my team in training singlet and the belt pocket I had purchased at the race expo on Friday night. Stored in said belt pocket were three shot blocks and two GUs, which are nutritional supplements that runners take during long runs. I had my shoe tag on my sneakers, my number pinned to my shirt, body glide set out to put on my feet to prevent blisters. Sunscreen and a bag with a change of clothes for after the race. So everything was ready, but I still couldn't sleep.
I had set my alarm for 5:15 am, but at 5:07 I woke up and almost instantly was out of bed. I had my pre-long run meal of oatmeal with peanut butter and raisins, light on any fluids because I had already hydrated heavily the day before and didn't want to have to stop to use the bathroom during the race.
My mom dropped me off in Eisenhower Park at about 6:45 am, and I found the Team in Training booth- a big mass of purple singlets. The coaches gave a pep talk and then the whole group of us started walking down to the start line.
We hung around there for awhile, waiting for the race to begin. It did at 8 AM, but there were so many people (thousands!!) that it took a full 3 minutes for us to pass the start line.
My ankle started popping right away, and my knee felt off, which was really annoying. Still, I was determined. I was running a different pace than anyone else in my group, so I was running alone early on. I tried to listen to the iPod on my iPhone, but I'm not used to working it yet, and it kept shuffling. So then I tried listening to Last.fm & Pandora and that was slowing me down and luckily I finally got the iPod to work. (Looking back, that probably slowed me down and caused me valuble seconds or even minutes to my finish time!!)
Even though it was so early, it was already hot out, and for the first few miles of the race I was running behind this guy in full army gear and I wasn't sure how he wasn't passing out. I passed him, though, and basically I just kept running, pacing my miles. There were large clocks at each mile as well as water stations. I would grab a cup from a volunteer, chug it, fling it to the side of the road. You had to be careful of all the empty cups in the road. Repeat 13 times. Ha. It was a semi-interesting route because it was mostly roads I drive down often, like Old Country Rd and Jericho Turnpike and Post Ave and even a bit of Wantagh Parkway. I had never run on a parkway before. While I was on there, around mile 9, we all had to move to the side of the road to make room for an ambulance rushing to some lady who had passed out.
I just kept going and going and it was hotter than expected but my leg was bothering me more than the heat. At mile 12 I started to get really excited about seeing my family and Justin at the finish line. Then, and at a couple other points during the race, I almost felt like I was going to cry, because I just couldn't believe I was doing this, and doing it pretty well!
Near the finish line I saw Mom, Dad, Andrew, etc- it all happened really fast- and then I picked up my pace and finished strong at 2:23:25. That was the first time I ran that long without stopping to stretch. I heard them announce my name over a speaker- saying DIANE Caporaso- and I wanted to kill them. Haha. I was handed my half marathon medal and a reusable lunch bag of free food. I hadn't seen Justin before the finish line, but he was the first one I found after crossing. I ran up to him and hugged him, even though I was all sweaty and gross. We found the rest of my family members who had been able to come see me for the finish- and it felt so awesome because they all seemed so proud of me, as well as a bit in awe that I was capable of running for that long. It was such an intense, amazing experience. And it's a bit weird to think that it's an experience I might not have had if my life hadn't been thrown into that blender after New Year's.
Afterwards we all went out to brunch and I changed out of my sweaty running clothes into a nice purple dress but I kept my medal on. In the bathroom of the diner I randomly ran into my favorite teacher from high school, and she had just run the half marathon too. Life can be so incredibly random sometimes.
And I also can't help but feel really scared for the full marathon, which is only a month away now. When did that happen??? Am I ready? I don't know if I can last 26 miles with a popping ankle. I saw the podiatrist last week and tomorrow I'm seeing an orthopedist. I really hope I can get the leg situation sorted out soon.
Also, I just turned 26 two days ago. Seems like a fitting year to be running a marathon.
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