Worth it.

So basically, it's 8 pm and I'm ready to fall asleep. I'm sore and tired all the time now between working two jobs and training for the marathon. The days have been really long and when I do get home I'm too tired to do much of anything, like working on my writing, which I really want to do.

But! Despite the challenges, I still think this marathon is doing so much to keep me sane lately. It's so mental, pulling through all those miles, and so rewarding to feel it getting just a little easier every time I go out to run. After that missed run a couple of weeks ago, I went to an injury prevention clinic and was really disappointed to find out that because of my leg alignment, I have to be extra cautious about completing the full marathon. Since then, I've been running with a knee brace, using an ice compress, and stretching and everything I can do to prevent my knee from stopping me. And it's been feeling so much better! Which is a relief.

Two Saturdays ago there was a team run at the Massapequa Preserve. It was a 12 mile run and I felt totally unprepared, having missed the 10 mile run the week before. On top of everything, I was fifteen minutes late to practice, meaning I was well behind the rest of the team and running alone. I really struggled through it- I wasn't wearing the knee brace, and it got so boring running alone for that long. For the last third of it I had to alternate between running and walking. I felt good to at least finish the twelve miles, but I was still nervous about my performance.

After that I never ran without the knee brace again. And then, last Sunday, I ran a full 13 miles with the team. THIRTEEN MILES. Thirteen frigging miles. I ran. That's a half marathon! Seriously... it's still mind boggling to me, honestly. It's a lot to take in. I almost got a bit teary eyed when I finished. It's kind of just overwhelming to even think about. I'm halfway there. And I remember when I was first considering running half a marathon, I was concerned about being able to do it by May, and here it was, still March, and I had already done it.

It's moments like that that make all this training worth it. Moments like today, when I ran outside during my lunch break, and easily finished over 4 miles like it was nothing. Moments like when my sister tells me that I'm her inspiration, or when I get a donation from an unexpected source, or when we are constantly reminded that what we are doing matters, that we are really helping to save people's lives- I'm doing something that matters. It isn't always easy, but since when is anything that's worth it easy? And if it was easy, would it be worth it? Would it feel this good?

My life has been all kinds of crazy lately, and doing this marathon is helping me so much mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's helping me with my patience and discipline and perspective. And even though it's only 8:26 pm and I'm exhausted enough to pass out right now, at least I feel like I'm worth something as I fall asleep.